ЗВЕЗДА ПО ИМЕНИ СОЛНЦЕ

Approaching the end of my first term. Thinking about my future, among other things.

Welcome back.

Here's the situation.

Looking back on the post I originally wrote when I came out to Victoria, I'll be the first to admit that the situation has not necessarily developed in my favour. I'm not really sure what I was on when I wrote all of that stuff, but I guess it has worn off. The years have not been gentle.

The last few months have shaped up to be a pretty mediocre semester. I guess I used to be a good student, and now I'm kinda washed. It happens. It's not like I do nothing, but I figure all those years of not giving a shit in highschool have caught up with me. Nevertheless, I remain. I'll be passing for the most part with A's and B's across the board, and somewhere around a C for the ones that are a bit more desperate (looking at you, PHYS110). I'm not even sure who reads these, but you could consider this a cautionary tale. If you don't like me and read these to laugh at me, just know that we'll all be judged for our actions when the time comes.

I'm excited to come home, but I know I won't stay. I came out here for a reason, and I intend to see it through. For now, I'll just be counting down the days until my next semester. I'm not yet burnt-out, but definitely bored.

In highschool, I tried real hard to be "that guy." I cared probably too much about my grades and how I was doing, and stopped at nothing (often unsustainably) to do well. I never wrote that AP exam retrospective, but I will say that I endured a lot of sleepless nights to get things done -- often at the cost of my relationships with the people around me.

Now, I don't really care. I feel a lot of apathy towards the University, and especially the "politics" (if you could call it that) of tenure, registration, money -- all that. I know why I'm here and I don't really mind what I'm doing, but I could care less if it was all stripped away from me tomorrow. It was between staying in Regina and making a comfortable 25.50$ an hour, or coming out here and choosing to suffer. I chose to take the suffering. I know what I'm doing.

I often feel ashamed about the man that I am becoming. Good intentions only go so far when poor execution has led me to places I wouldn't even go with a loaded gun. Regrettably, this might be my first real negative post. I always try to stay optimistic in these, because I don't want to set a bad example or bitch and moan about my problems to an audience that I don't even really interact with. So, I'll say this: at the end of the day, no feeling is final, and you matter. The only thing I need answer to is my own mediocrity, and I worry about you, friend.

On a more positive note, I've been working on that "band" type thing that I was hyping up on my Linkedin. I'll also use this section to shamelessly plug my Linkedin. Let's connect, twin. Let's all get internships at Fortune 500 companies. Sorry for the non-sequitur. Anyways, Brett and I have worked a little on some originals, and I hope to eventually release them. It'd be the first interesting project that I've had outside of school in a pretty long while. Shoutout to Fisheye, the hottest band on Regina's relatively niche (but still excellent) music scene. I haven't been interested in making music in a long time.

That's all for now. Sorry for the depressing tone. I hope I'll have some more interesting or uplifing things to say to you in the future.

Stay safe, Chief.

Your friend,

Peter.